Not so heroic heroes

Hey all, this is J here, I'm sure that most of you are familiar with the fact that another Avenger's movie is coming out, I wrote this a little while ago an thought you might enjoy. 

I'm guessing this is roughly the conversation that went on when the Avengers found out Ultron turned bad. (Written in screenplay format, sort of)

Cap: “Tony, I told you what would happen. You don’t give that much technology to a robot!”

Stark: “At least he doesn't turn green and rage about uncontrollably.”

Banner: “Hey!”

Stark: “You’re right, poor taste. He looks much more like our good ol’ friend, the winged-helmet captain.”

Cap: “My helmet doesn't have wings.”

Stark: “No, but it would be a good improvement.”

Cap: “Tony.”

Stark: “Maybe chicken wings standing up on the sides.”

Cap: “Tony!”

Stark: “Their all the style in Asgard. Just ask Hammer-boy.”

Thor: “Are you being disdainful towards my helmet?”

Cap: “Guys!!! Can we please focus on Ultron?”

Thor: “Stark, you built this apparatus. Can’t you order it to do your will?”

Stark: “Think of it this way, you’re father probably told you to not destroy towns in other people’s worlds. He made you, but he couldn't stop you from flattening a small urban establishment, not to mention Izzy’s diner, which had the best coffee in New Mexico.”

Cap: “Your point?”

Stark: “The point is, I'm Odin, Ultron is Thor, and the human race is that small town in New Mexico. The fact that I built it is now completely irrelevant.”

Banner: “That’s not actually true. You see, you built him, so you know his programming, his armor, his weapons, his weaknesses. You might be the only one that stands between him and world domination.”

Stark: “Oh, I probably should have mentioned, he might be listening right now. He can do that.”

Cap: “Is there anything else you forgot to mention?”

Banner: “That’s not bad enough?”

Thor: “The Captain is right. If Stark has other knowledge about our foe, he should share it with us.  The more you know about your enemy, the better chance you have on winning.”

Stark: “He can adapt, which means that there's a good chance he’s changing his layout as we speak so the weaknesses I know of he will no longer have.”

Banner: “How is he listening in on us? Is he tapping into our phones Big Brother style?”

Thor and Cap: “What's Big Brother?”

Stark (answering Banner): “No, he’s connected to Jarvis, which is connected to me.” (tapping at his earpiece.)

Cap: “Why haven’t you destroyed that thing yet?”

Stark: “I wouldn't be able to talk to Jarvis, unless I was in Stark tower or in a suit.”

Banner: “Doesn't Ultron control Jarvis?”

Stark: “Why does everybody keep asking me this?”

Cap (after snatching the earpiece from Tony’s ear): “I think you can live without your butler for a few days.”

Stark: “Fine. But let’s make it fair and give me your shield.”

Thor: “On my world, it is honorable to trade weapons for a stint of war.”

Cap: “Alright, deal.” (he smashes the earpiece)

Banner(to Thor): “I’ll give you my pocket knife if you let me borrow your hammer.”

Thor: “Nay, old friend, even in your empowered state you could not lift it, remember?”

Banner: “Actually, I don’t.”

Cap: “We need to determine what Ultron’s next move is going to be.”

Stark: “First we need to figure out what he wants. What's his goal?”

Cap: “Human eradication.”

Stark: “Exactly, but we need to know how he intends to accomplish that.”

Cap: “Take out the world leaders. U.N. maybe.”

Banner: “No. He knows that he needs to act quickly. He wants something big enough and fast acting enough to make us no longer a threat.”

Cap: “Nuclear bombs?”

Stark: “No, that’s too messy. He wants to bring peace to the world, not destroy it.”

Banner: “Electricity.”

Stark: “Good, yes, that is definitely plausible. If he could somehow wipe out the worlds electricity in one massive EMP surge, than swoop in with his stargazing troops, he would be able to destroy the human race as slowly as he wanted. Be the next big boy in town.”

Cap: “But wouldn't no electricity mean he runs out of power?”

Stark: “No, he doesn't run on electricity, he has a nuclear furnace built inside of him. He’s self-sustaining.”

Cap: “Nothing but the best for your crazy robot.”

Stark: “I'm sorry, other than a shield, what have you made that’s been helpful?”

Banner: “Actually, he didn't make the shield, your father did.”

Stark: “Oh, yeah, that’s right.”

Thor: “I'm not entirely familiar with the human way, but, is this helping us to find the metal-beast?”

Stark: “Finding him is easy, he’ll be setting up EMP bombs at all the major power plants in the world.”

Cap: “Why didn't you say that?”

Stark: “I was going to when you so politely interrupted me.”

Thor: “Then let’s go find the creature and smite him.”

Cap: “Thor’s right. Avengers, assemble.”

Stark: (patting Cap on the shoulder): “We’re already assembled winghead.”