Nobody

J never writes posts when I tell him to. He's probably thinking something like, "It's yooooour tuuuurn."

What a jerk.

Whateves, though. Let's get down to business (to defeat the Huns, yes, I know). Today's topic:

For those of you who can't read cursive (*cough* J *cough*), this translates to:
WRITE LIKE NO ONE'S READING YOUR STINKING STUFF

Okay. Something I would love is if I could inspire people to just write. Stop worrying that it isn't perfect; stop worrying that you can't write what you want because your mom's going to read it; stop worrying about the whole editing ordeal. The moment I realized that it's okay to write bad first drafts was the moment my writing excelled. Which is why I really like today's quote.

Stop writing for a crowd. Stop trying to write a bestseller that is just like all those other bestsellers. Close the door, close Facebook, *gasp!* open your manuscript...and write like there's nothing holding you back. Because honestly, the only thing holding you back is you and the "backspace" key. I think you can get on top of this.

There are no limits to where you can take your manuscript, so go where you want to go (or where the characters take you - but that's another post).


Not that you care, but now I have that song from Mulan stuck in my head. (...DID they SEND me daughTERS...when I asked....for SONS?) Wonderful.

Not so heroic heroes

Hey all, this is J here, I'm sure that most of you are familiar with the fact that another Avenger's movie is coming out, I wrote this a little while ago an thought you might enjoy. 

I'm guessing this is roughly the conversation that went on when the Avengers found out Ultron turned bad. (Written in screenplay format, sort of)

Cap: “Tony, I told you what would happen. You don’t give that much technology to a robot!”

Stark: “At least he doesn't turn green and rage about uncontrollably.”

Banner: “Hey!”

Stark: “You’re right, poor taste. He looks much more like our good ol’ friend, the winged-helmet captain.”

Cap: “My helmet doesn't have wings.”

Stark: “No, but it would be a good improvement.”

Cap: “Tony.”

Stark: “Maybe chicken wings standing up on the sides.”

Cap: “Tony!”

Stark: “Their all the style in Asgard. Just ask Hammer-boy.”

Thor: “Are you being disdainful towards my helmet?”

Cap: “Guys!!! Can we please focus on Ultron?”

Thor: “Stark, you built this apparatus. Can’t you order it to do your will?”

Stark: “Think of it this way, you’re father probably told you to not destroy towns in other people’s worlds. He made you, but he couldn't stop you from flattening a small urban establishment, not to mention Izzy’s diner, which had the best coffee in New Mexico.”

Cap: “Your point?”

Stark: “The point is, I'm Odin, Ultron is Thor, and the human race is that small town in New Mexico. The fact that I built it is now completely irrelevant.”

Banner: “That’s not actually true. You see, you built him, so you know his programming, his armor, his weapons, his weaknesses. You might be the only one that stands between him and world domination.”

Stark: “Oh, I probably should have mentioned, he might be listening right now. He can do that.”

Cap: “Is there anything else you forgot to mention?”

Banner: “That’s not bad enough?”

Thor: “The Captain is right. If Stark has other knowledge about our foe, he should share it with us.  The more you know about your enemy, the better chance you have on winning.”

Stark: “He can adapt, which means that there's a good chance he’s changing his layout as we speak so the weaknesses I know of he will no longer have.”

Banner: “How is he listening in on us? Is he tapping into our phones Big Brother style?”

Thor and Cap: “What's Big Brother?”

Stark (answering Banner): “No, he’s connected to Jarvis, which is connected to me.” (tapping at his earpiece.)

Cap: “Why haven’t you destroyed that thing yet?”

Stark: “I wouldn't be able to talk to Jarvis, unless I was in Stark tower or in a suit.”

Banner: “Doesn't Ultron control Jarvis?”

Stark: “Why does everybody keep asking me this?”

Cap (after snatching the earpiece from Tony’s ear): “I think you can live without your butler for a few days.”

Stark: “Fine. But let’s make it fair and give me your shield.”

Thor: “On my world, it is honorable to trade weapons for a stint of war.”

Cap: “Alright, deal.” (he smashes the earpiece)

Banner(to Thor): “I’ll give you my pocket knife if you let me borrow your hammer.”

Thor: “Nay, old friend, even in your empowered state you could not lift it, remember?”

Banner: “Actually, I don’t.”

Cap: “We need to determine what Ultron’s next move is going to be.”

Stark: “First we need to figure out what he wants. What's his goal?”

Cap: “Human eradication.”

Stark: “Exactly, but we need to know how he intends to accomplish that.”

Cap: “Take out the world leaders. U.N. maybe.”

Banner: “No. He knows that he needs to act quickly. He wants something big enough and fast acting enough to make us no longer a threat.”

Cap: “Nuclear bombs?”

Stark: “No, that’s too messy. He wants to bring peace to the world, not destroy it.”

Banner: “Electricity.”

Stark: “Good, yes, that is definitely plausible. If he could somehow wipe out the worlds electricity in one massive EMP surge, than swoop in with his stargazing troops, he would be able to destroy the human race as slowly as he wanted. Be the next big boy in town.”

Cap: “But wouldn't no electricity mean he runs out of power?”

Stark: “No, he doesn't run on electricity, he has a nuclear furnace built inside of him. He’s self-sustaining.”

Cap: “Nothing but the best for your crazy robot.”

Stark: “I'm sorry, other than a shield, what have you made that’s been helpful?”

Banner: “Actually, he didn't make the shield, your father did.”

Stark: “Oh, yeah, that’s right.”

Thor: “I'm not entirely familiar with the human way, but, is this helping us to find the metal-beast?”

Stark: “Finding him is easy, he’ll be setting up EMP bombs at all the major power plants in the world.”

Cap: “Why didn't you say that?”

Stark: “I was going to when you so politely interrupted me.”

Thor: “Then let’s go find the creature and smite him.”

Cap: “Thor’s right. Avengers, assemble.”

Stark: (patting Cap on the shoulder): “We’re already assembled winghead.”

Salt

I (A, that is) just decided. Prompts, inspiration, starting points. Pictures, sentences, a clip of a scene. I'm going to post some (when I feel like it, of course), providing you with a snippet of what could be. I'm offering you a match (the prompt) and you have to light it, you have to start the fire (the story), you have to feed it until it's blazing.

So go for it. Read the prompt sentence, then write one hundred-ish words about where takes you. Give your imagination a chance to breathe and write about the place and time where

everything tasted like salt

The humor of it all

Hey all, what’s up? It’s J here. I was just thinking about certain things that make stories compelling. You know: story, conflict, dialogue, that sort of thing. One of my favorites is humor. For me, humor is a big impact on whether or not I’ll like the book or not. I’m not saying your book has to be a comedy, I just mean that if your characters are funny, legitimately funny, they’ll be likable, guaranteed.

Now that’s kind of tricky, isn't it? There’s a big difference between movie humor and book humor. Things that could be hilarious in a movie often fall flat when read, whereas some humor that is comical in written form can just be plain lame when put on the big screen.

I try to tinker with it, see what works, what doesn't. In my experience, physical humor is not something that works. It takes too long to explain and by the time you do explain, the joke has gone on too long with little actual comedy involved. My solution? There are a couple of ways to do it. One is witty one-liners. Sarcasm is another one, especially in the case of a story written in first-person. My personal favorite, however, is arrogance. You take this and sprinkle a healthy dosage of that sarcasm on there, and you’re ordinarily un-remarkable character becomes your favorite. (Tony Stark, anybody?)

I may come up with a few finer points to say on humor in the future. No reason wasting your arsenal on the first go of it, am I right?

Take it easy, or…whatever it is you like to do.

The Idea

Hey. This is A.

An author once said, "If you wish to be a writer, write." Nerd points to whoever guesses who the author is that I'm talking about (I don't get any points because I don't remember, hence I'm not a nerd--did you even read our intros?), but the POINT is...writers write. It's that simple.

And that impossible.

I can't make this magically possible for you, seeing as I don't understand any more about writing than the next not-nerd, but what I can do is give you bits and pieces of how I make it less impossible for myself.

Step 1: the idea.

Duh. You can't write if you don't have any idea what you're writing about. No, you don't need to know everything before you start typing away (or scribbling, if you have the patience for the ol' pen and paper), but you do need to know something. You need to know different things depending on what you write (I happen to write fiction, because, as a friend told me, "Reality.Whose idea was that, anyway?"), but you will basically always need that spark of idea. You know (or do you?). That spark that starts as one idea, but then another idea catches on, and another, and another.

To write, you need ideas.

To get ideas, you need to think.

So are you thinking?

Intros are great

Yo, my name is J. Well, that is not entirely true, now, is it? I thought to myself, "What better way to start a blog then some mystery?" Can you feel it surging? No? I understand, me either, but for all intents and purposes, I am "J," here to shed some light on the infamous world known as...Literature. Not actually true; I want this to be a fun blog, not a college course. With that said, I'm looking forward to future posts that I hope are at least interesting to you.

Signed: "J"

I'm A, the Girl

And a bete noire of mine is when people use words nobody else understands just for the sake of using words nobody understands. Or for the sake of not using a word everybody understands, get it? So just use the words you mean, alright? And really mean them when you use them, and use them well not wastefully, and you 'n I'll get along...fine.

We'll get along fine, dude. I mean it. Really.

Sincerely,

A


P.S. You should also know that I am NOT a nerd. 

P.P.S. And I didn't come up with the blog name, either. CheeseItz, am I right?